Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Day 244

School Days, school days....
Today was Ellas first day at school and it was emotional for both of us. She was really excited the day before and even right before we went into the class room. Which was really good considering how everyday for the past week she would tell me that she didn't want to go. I also noticed this past week that she would talk about my dad and school in the same conversation all the time. And then one day she said to me 'Mama, don't die while I am at school, ok?' It made me so sad for her! But, it makes total sense why she is so worried to leave me and why she wants me to stay with her ALL the time. She was there while my dad was sick and in ICU. She was also there when he died...she wasn't able to ever go in and see him, but she saw, first hand, everyone grieving right after and the sorrow that followed for weeks and months after and to this present day. My heart goes out to her and I think that is why I found the first day of school emotional. I didn't cry while I left her at school...it was after, at home that I shed a few tears thinking about what has had her worried. As for how Ella handled the first day, as I said before, she was fine until we went in the classroom and I walked her to her seat and I then I said I was going to go. As soon as I said that she started crying and telling me to stay. I had let her teacher know about the seperation anxiety, and she said that short goodbyes work the best. So I mustered up all my courage to leave my sobbing child in the arms of her teacher. I couldn't just leave, so I stayed out in the hall until she stopped crying and all the while all the other moms were trying to tell me that she will be ok and that she will be excited to go before you know it. I know that she will be fine and that they would call me if she needed anything, but it makes me so sad for someone so little to be so worried and scared. She did come home from school really excited and happy to tell me about her adventures throughout the day..... but she also told me that she doesn't want to go back tomorrow. =(
I am grateful that her kindergarten is only 1/2 day. I don't think she could make it any longer than that at this time in her life.

6 comments:

mjhay said...

I am so sorry. My boys have no problem with separation. Which is a good and a bad thing.
How sad that she thought you might die while she was away. My boys just don't think like that. I wonder if Alyssa will be different?

Dahle Family said...

What a sweet sensitive girl. Really insightful for her to be able to put words to her fears. She will soon see that it is not going to happen and then she can really relax and fully enjoy herself.

Afreaka said...

That poor, sweet girl. I know she will adjust and soon love school, but it just made me cry to read that she thought you might die while she was at school. You held back the tears better than I would've. If it was me, I would've been crying at school the instant she started crying.

Dragon said...

It is surprising to find out how much the Grandkids remember about those very trying days when when Grandpa died and how things looked from their perspective.

Colorado Kid said...

I'm so sorry it was so hard. I always felt so bad for moms that left their crying child with me those first days. It makes sense that she is worried about you. Sometimes I used to have moms put on lipstick and kiss their (K,1) kids hand so they could look at the print and have a visible connection (or bring something small from home) when they had separation anxiety. I wish classrooms had one-way glass so moms could watch how quickly they get absorbed in activities most of the time. This just broke my heart though. I'd rather stay home with you, too! (I still call mom's at AM recess and tell them how their kids are doing-even in
2nd!)

Colorado Kid said...

How's she doing? I dreamt about her in school last night.