One brave girl.

Oh these pictures break my heart. It is no fun knowing that your child will be scared and have to go through pain. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is worth it. That her vision will be better. That she won't be self concious about the slight crossing with her eyes.

This is her the day after it all. All the Dr's and nurses were nice and we got to meet them all before the surgery. Ashlyn was so scared but tried to be brave and answer all of their questions. I was able to walk with her, holding her hand, part of the way to the operating room. Then came the part where we were supposed to say 'see ya later' and 'be brave' and all that stuff and go our separate way down the hallway. She looked so little and fragile in the pj's they gave her to wear walking down the hall next to the big dr's.

As I waited in the surgery waiting room I had thoughts of back to when my dad had that emergency surgery in the middle of the night. A bunch of us all waited in there for news of how it would turn out. I am so grateful that we were the only ones in that room during that hard time. Especially as I saw a couple sit down near me in tears....no privacy with everyone else looking at them.

The whole procedure only last 45 minutes to an hour. The Dr said that he wouldn't know if he had to operate on both eyes until he 'got a hold of her eyes'...gross. He came to talk to me after and said that it all went well. And that he did have to do both eyes. On one eye he shortened a muscle and made another one not so tight. And on the other he made one muscle not so tight.

(It was so hard for her to open her eyes for the first 2-3 days. And the corners of both of them were so red and sore and swollen that when she actually got up the nerve to look at her eyes in a mirror she called to me exclaiming that they cut out the white of her eyes!)

Then came the time when I could go and see her. I had been doing fine up to the point and then I walked into the surgery recovery area. I followed the nurse to Ashlyn's bedside....it was right then that I wished that I didn't come alone. The sight of her laying there and the smells and the sound of all the monitors loudly beeping all around me almost made me have an anxiety attack and I starting getting weak in the knees. Ashlyn was still out and she looked so pale to me. I asked the nurse if I could step out for a minute so I could call Weston and let him know she was done. So I went out in the hall and as soon as I started talking to him I started crying. It was too much of a reminder of everything that my dad went through and all the sounds and smells from when we went to see him. Weston said that he knew he should have came instead of me. And, luckily, he was almost to the hospital.

Slowly Ashlyn came around and even giggled a little bit. They gave her the good stuff when she said her eyes were hurting and they said she had to drink a slushy before she could leave......oh what tourture. She made it home and got right into bed and has been there since.

I am grateful for the skillful hands that performed the surgery.

And I think another reason why I was so emotional was because yesterday was the memorial service for my dear niece, Jaycee, who I never met. I felt bad for all that Courtney and Jordan have had to go through and that I couldn't be at two places at once....at the hospital and at the service.